Tuesday, February 21, 2012

I'm Sorry

Have you ever felt that the most difficult phrase to say in every language is "I'm sorry?"  These are the two words in which we admit we may have been wrong, we give some of our pride to the other person as it were, and we are sad because we may have caused distress. But in the same phrase we are declaring that we care more for that person, than just feeling superior for a moment because we are undoubtedly right and there are no if's, and's or but's about it.

Recently, I had a moment of sad, preposterous weakness.  It doesn't matter who was right or wrong, it was that I hurt the feelings of a person that I love dearly.

Being a wife is a double-edged sword. I know my sweetheart's strengths better than anyone. If you ask me you'll probably get a more detailed list than you every dreamed someone would give.  But I also know his weaknesses, which means with no thought of the consequences I can say the most cutting things.

The minute those things come out of my mouth, remorse sets in like the weighing numbness of getting a shot right before a cavity is filled. I replay what I have just said in my mind and the reality of what I said, how I said it and the angry why immediately fill me with remorse. And then, for some reason my mouth continues saying hurtful things despite my mind attempting to stop it.

Then, I pause. Really pause. I look around me. My children are staring at me in dismay and worry. My sweetheart can hardly look at me and I feel angry. At me.

Then with a quick repentant prayer for help I say the two words, hoping beyond hope somehow it will all be alright. "I'm sorry."  Followed with a few more important words. "I love you so much." "I should not have said those things."

Whoever invented those two words was genius.  The universal bandage.  Some of the greatest words of comfort. The desire for peace. A homage to love and/or understanding. "I'm sorry."


I love you W! I'm sorry. You mean the world to me!


vdg family said...

Ah it was my fault, thx for the nice post, love u

Mindy said...

I love that quote at the end. I needed to hear that... thanks! love ya Mel