Validation. We need more of it.
For example, the other day on the train I had just settled my kids from quarreling and was trying to soothe the silliness by telling a story. There wasn't enough room for all of us to sit together (they wanted to sit by their friends that came with us), and a few moments after one stop I began. Only to have the woman next to me say loudly, "Excuse me, could you please not yell. I am so tired."
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| My friend, Omayma took this picture. :) |
Of course, the first impulse in me was of an exasperated, "Are you kidding me woman? You thought I was
yelling? You are obviously not a mother--because you would know what real yelling was then . . . also you do not work with children
at all, otherwise you. would. know." (Just as a side note--this does not necessarily refer to parents yelling as children are much more likely to be the hollering instigators from my experience). I felt anger seething just below my surface . . . but I smacked it down with a "Sorry" to the woman and a look of "What on earth?" to my friend.
Now as I picture her face I remember her eyes being a little red. She may have just finished crying when she got on the train (or been up all night/day). My perspective has been altered. Yet, I can think of a much better way to ask me not to tell a story on the train. . . . like, "You are trying to help your children enjoy the train ride. Do you think you could continue it in a few minutes when I get off? It's just that I have had a really hard day and am exhausted."
If she would have said that I would have understood that she was at least attempting to understand why I was doing what I was doing and I would have understood with a kinder heart.
Validate people. It means the world to them.
